WOW!! This draft was more than a year ago! LOL
Last edited by sarenagay on July 8, 2009 at 4:33 am
And now I’m really gonna post it! hahaha…. I had fun reading my past experiences. Well anyways, these are just “past” experiences LOL. I’ve been into lots and lots and lots of trouble than this one =)) Well anyway, here it is!
—–
It’s time to update this blog again. For the past months since I last posted in this blog, I was trying to find myself and was struggling from one of man’s enemies – loneliness. I’ve been trying to find myself and got into lots of troubles.
First is when I met some people who became my close friends in school. I feel like I don’t want to go to school anymore. I just want to have lots of fun and fun and fun – just fun everyday! And of course that kind of fun involves drinking. It affected my grades but I just felt a slight regret being the top one in our Department last semester. I didn’t care a lot about school anymore. One of my friends also became my “i-don’t-know-what”; maybe he can be called as my other one (because I already have a boyfriend). We were just MU and the two of us can’t be really called as boyfriend-girlfriend. Even though it didn’t officially became us, I feel like I had betrayed my boyfriend though I told him that my love for him was declining. Our relationship was cooled-off but I didn’t want to totally break up with him so I asked him to do everything he could to make my love for him come back – which I really meant.
Second is when i left my passion for the Cyber world because I became so busy with the real world. I went to different places with different people. I’ve treasured and valued the people I had been with but it seems like I was just a small part of their journey. Well, I can’t blame them for that because they had wonderful lives and of course I could remember all those things we did because I didn’t have much memories in the past to remember.
The third one was giving up my special connection between myself and God. I really miss Him so much now. It started when the relationship between me and my i-don’t-know-what became blurry. I became tired of always getting hurt. I became tired of my life. Even though I’ve been through lots of fun, emptiness still fills my heart and soul. Loneliness was eating my whole being. There was even an instance when I was left alone in the house and I started to cry then I became wild. I was conscious of what I was doing but I just couldn’t control myself. That loneliness was triggered because that was the time that my computer crashed and I didn’t have any diversions. Being alone kills me.
The fourth one was the most sensitive one. It was when I became angry with my mother. It wasn’t just because of me being like a mental patient but it was because she has changed. I liked her when she was still ill because she was very warm and good to us. I really hated the church she’s attending to right now because some of the people there are very judgemental and she also became one. That’s not what I see with the church I’m attending to right now. People there are calm, warm and very much positive. She’s like paranoid! What’s wrong with having fun sometimes, going out with friends and drink together. I don’t drink too much anyway because I know it’s bad for my heart. I was just after the fun! I really hate it when my mother, my cousin and my freakin’ grandmother gets angry when my cousins and I want to have fun. Are they going to take away our childhood like what Michael Jackson’s father did to him? I strongly believe that experiences make a person, not just a child, grow. My sister and I almost lost 1/2 of our childhood because of them. I keep on telling my sister that if I’m going to have a child in the future, I will never ever do the same thing as they did. I will nurture their talents so that they may improve and become successful beings when they grow. I think that’s why I love kids and such elementary things because I haven’t fully explored my childhood. And now, I will never ever let my teenage life get ruined. I only have more than 1 year left before I get 20 and I’m going to make it meaningful.
