It’s time to get back and restore myself. God is indeed faithful to me. I know I made mistakes, been to lots of troubles and depression but I know He has reasons for giving me those. Now I really know what it is to have faith in Him.

A true friend has guts to tell you that you have faults, has the courage to scold you when you are wrong, and has the nerve to teach you lessons when you commit mistakes. But he who doesn’t listen to this kind of person is not a true friend at all. For he refuses to see the good intention and love of his friend towards him.

Sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you’re not.
You think you can laugh but tears would come out.

Sometimes you dream, sometimes you lose hope.
You think you can do things but you end up like a dope.

Sometimes you stand up high, sometimes you stumble.
You think you’re strong enough but sometimes you fall.

Sometimes you think that ”sometimes” is a never-ending maze.
But sometimes you have to believe that “sometimes” isn’t always.

Do you have huge problems that need to be solved? Don’t worry because I’m pretty sure all the other people have too. But there are ways to overcome them just like how David faced Goliath without fear. You just need the right prayers. Yes, the RIGHT PRAYERS.

Many of us would complain when we are given big responsibilities. For an instance, when a student is enrolled in a subject under the rule of a terrible teacher, he tries withdraw or change the schedule just to avoid  his instructor. Or when you are assigned by your boss to work on a project which you think is too much for you to handle, you tend to grumble. But we have to understand that we should not pray for easy lives for it helps us to be strong. Instead, we should pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.  We should not pray for tasks that matches our power but we should pray for power that matches our tasks.

We must put in mind that before we face our Goliaths we must call out to God first. Praying is one way of recognizing that we have a need. That’s why in order for us to succeed in beating that Goliath, we must remember this: “Focus yourself on your Goliath and you will stumble, but focus yourself to God and your Goliath will stumble.” When David faced Goliath he never was afraid to fight against that 9-foot giant, wearing an armor coat vest weighing 125 lbs. and was carrying with him a spear weighing 25 lbs. All he had with him were pebbles and a sling. But what makes David different from all the other Israelite armies? He looked at the situation differently from all the others. He knew that God was with him. He never wished that his opponent was smaller but he had the courage which had grown out from his theology – his understanding of God. David was a man after God’s own heart.  He didn’t only know God theologically but also experientially. And that’s where David got his strength.

We must also be like David – not afraid to face Goliath. All we have to do is call out to God. He is not only the god of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David, and all the other prophets. He is our God. Don’t be afraid to ask for help because man alone can do nothing. But a man who has God in his heart can do everything.

Have you ever bought something not worth its price? I recently bought a laptop table online and I thought it was something very useful since it’s adjustable, portable (in fact it can be fold into two and could fit in a laptop bag), has a cup and pen holder and it already has a built-in cooling fan!

I ordered them last Thursday and I received the items immediately after 2 days. I was slightly disappointed  because I thought it was very nice (as seen in the picture) but I figured out that it was not sturdy enough. I ordered 3 items and only 1 item is in good condition. I tested the first one. When I plugged in the cooling fan, it made a noise so I looked at it and saw that 2 of the blades were broken because they were made of very thin plastic. When I checked the second one, I was more disappointed because one of the legs was not the right one attached so it could not stand properly.

I was very dismayed about the products.I hope that the sellers would replace them and if they will, I would like to get the bamboo instead because they are much more sturdy and strong.

“Don’t judge a book  by its cover” – a very simple and common phrase yet will always be useful and full of wisdom.

Lately, I’ve been a victim of prejudgment and misjudgment. Last July 2010 I had a fight with my family, specifically with my mother and brother. My mother was so insensitive with my feelings. For a couple of months since my brother and I lived in the same house, I was always the one cleaning after his mess. I wash the dishes he uses, I clean the house and always pick up his clothes on the floor or any part of the house. And the worst is sometimes I have to wash his clothes if there’s no one available to do the laundry! And not just that, his girlfriend had been living with us for 3 months and sometimes I also get to do the laundry for her.

Well, I don’t have much complaint about his girlfriend because sometimes she would also help me clean the house. But she wasn’t always in since she’s working as a nurse. It’s like I’ve been working as a “house maid” with no salary. It’s so exhausting when you arrive from school you would get to see a huge mess and you know you’re the only one who’s gonna clean it! It’s okay if I get a bonus or my mother would give me extra allowance but my mother only gives me 50-100 pesos a day. When I go out, I always ride a jeepney but my brother would always ride in a taxi and he goes out everyday. Whenever my temper rises I would text my mother about my feelings that it’s so tiring to always clean after my brother’s mess but it seems like it’s nothing to her. I text her almost everyday but it seems like she doesn’t even bother to give me a reply.

One time, she called me and I grabbed the opportunity to talk to her about what was happening in the apartment. I was really angry when she told me that she was already sick of my text messages containing complaints about my brother. She told me that I was very selfish and had been only thinking about myself. She also told me that if I don’t want to clean the house, then just don’t. If she’s tired of my messages then why wouldn’t she give me a even a single reply. So for two days, I didn’t wash the dishes. My brother was really irritating. He didn’t even care if the dishes already got molds on it and the kitchen was very very dirty! When I saw that he really did not have intentions of washing the dishes, well after 2 days, I was still the one only who cleaned those mess.

I really hate my brother! I also hate my mother who loves my brother more than me when it is I who is doing good in school, who helps her with household chores and whom she could easily command to go somewhere to buy anything or to attend some important things.

One day, when my mother visited us, I was joking around her and told her to leave one of our helpers here in Cebu so that there would be someone who will clean the house and so I concentrate with my studies. And guess what? She became angry and told me that I’m asking a lot and I’m very selfish and always counting chores. In my mind I was thinking “THE HELL, AM I A HELPER HERE?!” I was deeply hurt but never spoke a word. So I went to my room and opened my laptop. While I was facebooking, I was annoyed by the noise outside my room. It was my mother talking and talking and talking about things and she was scolding both of us (my brother and I) .. blah blah blah. So i shouted, “Why are you scolding me? I’m the victim here!” So my brother was angry too and he asked why would I be a victim when I am the one who always gets the gadget that I want (because 2months ago I got my DSLR). So my mother was even more angry TO ME! She scolded my brother with a soft voice but she was scolding me like HER VOICE CANNOT BE HEARD IN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN!!! That was the time when I finally exploded and I became full of them.

I cried a lot and called my sister. I told her that I’m gonna pack my things and run away. She told me to relax but I really can’t take the unfairness in our household. My mother was even more angry when I told her how unfair she was and that I would run away. Even my cousins or other people who knew our family can even tell that she really is unfair in treating us siblings. She’s all about my brother. I even told her that she was lucky to have my sister as her daughter because she didn’t leave her even though long before she had always been wanting to go away. And that’s it! I ran away from my “family.” Or can I even call it a “family”?

I’ve been thankful to my friends who accepted me and let me sleep in their houses for a couple of days. Some of my friends would also meet me and talk to me about things that can make me smile. But some of them would misjudge me and though they wouldn’t tell me, I can see in their faces that they see me as a “rebellious brat”, someone who disrespects her parents, and impudent and a shameless person without knowing the story behind it. But there were also friends who accepted me wholly in their hearts though they haven’t known the reason why I had run away.

From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely thank the people who have not look down on me and did not judge me for what I did. I thank them for helping me get out of the misery and sadness that I feel inside. I thank them for filling my life with happiness and smiles. I finally realized that a friend in need is a friend indeed.

WOW!! This draft was more than a year ago! LOL

Last edited by sarenagay on July 8, 2009 at 4:33 am

And now I’m really gonna post it! hahaha…. I had fun reading my past experiences. Well anyways, these are just “past” experiences LOL. I’ve been into lots and lots and lots of trouble than this one =)) Well anyway, here it is!

—–

It’s time to update this blog again. For the past months since I last posted in this blog, I was trying to find myself and was struggling from one of man’s enemies – loneliness. I’ve been trying to find myself and got into lots of troubles.

First is when I met some people who became my close friends in school. I feel like I don’t want to go to school anymore. I just want to have lots of fun and fun and fun – just fun everyday! And of course that kind of fun involves drinking. It affected my grades but I just felt a slight regret being the top one in our Department last semester. I didn’t care a lot about school anymore. One of my friends also became my “i-don’t-know-what”; maybe he can be called as my other one (because I already have a boyfriend). We were just MU and the two of us can’t be really called as boyfriend-girlfriend. Even though it didn’t officially became us, I feel like I had betrayed my boyfriend though I told him that my love for him was declining. Our relationship was cooled-off but I didn’t want to totally break up with him so I asked him to do everything he could to make my love for him come back – which I really meant.

Second is when i left my passion for the Cyber world because I became so busy with the real world. I went to different places with different people. I’ve treasured and valued the people I had been with but it seems like I was just a small part of their journey. Well, I can’t blame them for that because they had wonderful lives and of course I could remember all those things we did because I didn’t have much memories in the past to remember.

The third one was giving up my special connection between myself and God. I really miss Him so much now. It started when the relationship between me and my i-don’t-know-what became blurry. I became tired of always getting hurt. I became tired of my life. Even though I’ve been through lots of fun, emptiness still fills my heart and soul. Loneliness was eating my whole being. There was even an instance when I was left alone  in the house and I started to cry then I became wild. I was conscious of what I was doing but I just couldn’t control myself. That loneliness was triggered because that was the time that my computer crashed and I didn’t have any diversions. Being alone kills me.

The fourth one was the most sensitive one. It was when I became angry with my mother. It wasn’t just because of me being like a mental patient but it was because she has changed. I liked her when she was still ill because she was very warm and good to us. I really hated the church she’s attending to right now because some of the people there are very judgemental and she also became one. That’s not what I see with the church I’m attending to right now. People there are calm, warm and very much positive. She’s like paranoid! What’s wrong with having fun sometimes, going out with friends and drink together. I don’t drink too much anyway because I know it’s bad for my heart. I was just after the fun! I really hate it when my mother, my cousin and my freakin’ grandmother gets angry when my cousins and I want to have fun. Are they going to take away our childhood like what Michael Jackson’s father did to him? I strongly believe that experiences make a person, not just a child, grow. My sister and I almost lost 1/2 of our childhood because of them. I keep on telling my sister that if I’m going to have a child in the future, I will never ever do the same thing as they did. I will nurture their talents so that they may improve and become successful beings when they grow. I think that’s why I love kids and such elementary things because I haven’t fully explored my childhood. And now, I will never ever let my teenage life get ruined. I only have more than 1 year left before I get 20 and I’m going to make it meaningful.

I was kinda busy awhile. I had been doing a lot of things this semester. I’m not used to wake up early in the morning because I used to have at least 8 hours of sleep these past few months. And now I’m still adjusting to this kind of situation. My class during MWF starts on 7am so I have to wake up 5-5:30 in the morning. I also sleep early by around 9-11pm. I miss my unbusy life. Hehehe. But well, I think this is just for the best. I need to study hard so that I could graduate with honors.

Anyway, I have already attended 3 sessions of our In-Between’s! It was great being a part of their activity in the Bread of Life Ministries. I learned a lot of things although those were still little, compared to others who know a lot of things about the Bible. But I’m still willing to attend their upcoming activities!

May be yes for some people. But I can say I’m already learning it too. I’m learning how to love Dexter now. I can feel the comfort, love and happiness that he shares with me. Nothing has ever done those things to me except him. I feel that I am overloved, over needed, over wanted. I can’t deny that there were many times that I have thought of breaking-up with him but I just can’t because I know how it feels to be dumped and rejected by somebody whom you love the most.

Did I feel any regrets for having a relationship with him? Yes and No. Maybe yes for the reason that I don’t love him as much as I have loved Oyen before. But I still don’t fully regret being with him because he doesn’t cause too much pain in my heart. I may be selfish but I hope a time will come that I may truly love him, 100%.

I could find myself now being extra sweet to him and it just feels so good to be with him laughing, sharing stories together, talking a lot of things and exchanging our ideas. My love for him grows everyday. I think it’s now time to let go of the past and just surrender myself to the present. And just let God decide for my future. If He gives Oyen back to me, well that’s a good thing. But if Dexter is really meant for me, I know God has reasons why He gave me such a very wonderful person who’s not worthy to be hurt by anybody.

sarena gay and dexter

I’m going back to cebu again. I’m leaving tomorrow morning. I’m gonna miss my home again. My boyfriend’s gonna pick me up at the port. Well, I kinda miss him. Hehehe. Oh how rude!

I’m excited to go to school this second semester. Let’s see if I’m going to improve myself! weeee!!!

Yesterday we went to the park. With me were my cousins, nieces, my sister and mother. We had lots of fun and took a lot of pictures! I’m happy to have a time with them. Here are some of our pictures.

sarena gay, gay2x, gay-gay, sarena gay pasana

sarena gay, gay2x, gay-gay, sarena gay pasana

sarena gay, gay2x, gay-gay, sarena gay pasana

sarena gay, gay2x, gay-gay, sarena gay pasana

sarena gay, gay2x, gay-gay, sarena gay pasana

inday, en2x, gay2x, nanay, sarena gay

• This is just a repost from my MULTIPLY BLOG. (dated October 20, 2008)

well, got this photo last week from one of the READS.. (recolletos educational assistance for deserving students),, this has been a rumor in our campus..this was taken about a month ago at the 5th floor of St. Ezikiel Moreno bldg. inside the girls’ CR.. i don’t know what these guys were doing inside but maybe just for display that they were able to go inside the girls’ cr.. i think this was taken during the intramurals?? hmmmm it’s pretty obvious that it was already taken at night time and only a few students remain at this building during regular days…the guys said that there were only two of them who went inside and no girls were there…

the girl behind the guy wearing a brown shirt doesn’t have a reflection in the mirror…

ORIGINAL PHOTO

did you see it? now here’s the detailed one…

…hmmmm i also had doubts about the certainty of this picture.. it’s just up to you if you’re gonna believe this..